The Odd Couple
by Different Life
Summary: This adventure follows the love story of two unlikely partners. This story has been deemed "Genius" by the Obama and "A must read" by Ellen, and "Meow" by my cat.
1. Chapter 1

A strapping young Scrappy Doo strolled down the streets of London on a brisk autumn Tuesday. He had just faked his death in Miami where he had fallen in the position as 'head honcho' in a drug scheme. He had arrived in London, hoping to hide and start a new life. Having traveled 9 hours on aircraft, he was devastatingly hungry and still in his believable middle-aged women disguise, because most airlines do not allow dogs on board. Spotting The Landmark, a posh bistro on the corner, he tottled off hoping to get a nice meal of Bosintang. Scrappy Doo sat down alone and glanced at the menu but his thoughts were interrupted by a rowdy group of three people, specifically two handsome men.

"Does yours come off too?" he heard a smooth voice, sounding like melted butter on a hot New Zealand day. Scrappy looked up curiously and was amused to see a short hedgehog-like man with a squirrel on his face tackle the tall otter-like "waiter".

Scrappy scoffed in anger, "I didn't come here to be rudely interrupted by two hooligans!" He flipped over the table with much anger, causing everyone to stare and gasp. "I came here to get away from all of the American hustle bustle but you, you ruined my meal and my life!" He started to storm out the door dramatically. Before he got there, a black-hair chef with soft cheeks called out, "We can pay for your meal you know."

"I don't need your pity!" screamed Scrappy, steam practically coming out of his ears.

"Well what do you need?" asked random consumers not important to the story or to life in general.

"Hmmmmmm" mused Scrappy, I don't want your job it's too bland and boring. I don't want your wife she's obviously sleeping with your gardener."

"You can take my kids!" interrupted a voice from the back of the room "They sure aren't going anywhere in life."

"As tempting as that sounds, I've already been nabbed too many times by the cops for illegal child labor", admitted Scrappy wisely. "No. I want something more expendable. I want your lives."

"What!" The whole room gasped again. "You can't do that!"

"Yes I can" Scrappy grinned evilly. He pulled out a watch.

"What is a watch going to do?" questioned the commons.

"Oh its not a watch. It's a BOMB!"

The whole room began to quake.

"You're all going to die! You're all going to die!" Scrappy Doo sang with visible insanity. His paw slowly lowered to the button.

"STOP!" yelled a bold voice sounding like a train barreling down the fields of China. A dashing young Sherlock Holmes appeared before him, his face, even though beat up looked like the face of a cherub.

"And why should I stop?" encountered Scrappy Doo.

"Why? Why? Because I'll give you my first born child", explained Sherlock persuasively.

"I've already explained that I don't want a child" said Scrappy annoyed "why would I want yours?"

"Because I'm Sherlock Holmes, My child would have cheekbones that could cut your skin apart. Would you like to feel them? I can prove it to you." explained Sherlock.

Scrappy lifted his paw from his watch and delicately touched the man's face. Scrappy Doo looked down at his paws. They were bleeding. "So you were telling the truth after all. Very well," Scrappy Doo said with amusement "While I don't want your child, I want you! I will use you and your cheekbones as a weapon."

"You can't take him!" a voice in the back screamed. It was John Watson.

"And why is that?" asked Scrappy.

"Because I love him!" claimed John.

"Wait what?" asked Scrappy.

"No, not really", said John, "I was just trying to distract you, you idiot face".

Just as he wasn't looking, Mary, John's soon to be wife slammed a pan down on Scrappy Doo's hard-to-miss head.

"You will never kill again, my love," Sherlock whispered in Scrappy's ear.

Scrappy's eyes flew open. He grabbed Sherlock's head and started swinging it around trying to cut peoples bodies on his cheekbones. Blood was spilt. Screams were heard from miles away. The chef with soft, lovable cheeks grabbed Scrappy Doo who was violently still swinging Sherlocks head around (which was still attached to his body and was still alive). The chef pulled Scrappy Doo into the street.

"Hey buddy. What's this about. You can't just be doing this" said Scrappy Doo "Why did you pull me off him?"

"Because Honey" explained the chef "You can't go killing my nemesis without me, if you keep this up, I will make your life a living hell"

'"MMMHHHMMMMM" Scrappy replied in a sassy tone "And I am the kind of England"

"well, you could be if you do as I say, I can make all your dreams come true"

"and how would you do that?"

"Because I am James freaking Moriarty bitch"

"what? I am not a female dog? I am not even a dog" Scrappy began to sweat, he pushed his paws into his dress pocket

"well obviously, a damsel like you couldn't be a dog, it's just a saying honey"

"oh" Scrappy Doo said, obviously relieved, that makes sense, of course.

"May I" jim said, holding out his hand

"But of course" Scrappy Doo replied, taking his hand, his paw now clad in a human glove so Jim wouldn't know he was actually a dog.

They gave meaningful looks to one another, looks that promised love and adventure; Looks that bride and groom give to each other on their wedding day. Moriarty and Scrappy began to run off into the dusk of London, preparing to wreak havoc on every orphan and kitten they ran into, like two psychopaths should.

"Jim" Scrappy said "you will love me forever right?"

"Forever" he responded "that is until I kill you"

Scrappy blushed, what a compliment. Even though Moriarty didn't know he was a dog yet, Scrappy just knew that when the time came to tell James, all would be well.

*Crack!fic please don't let this reflect my real writing skills


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2:

"Yo holla!" yelled Scrappy Doo vigorously.

"Yes, my love" replied a sweet and gentile faced Jimmy Moriarty.

"It's Valentine's Day are we not going to make any hot dates?" questioned Scrappy Doo questionably.

"Well in the eyes of the public, I may or may not be alive, which may present a trifle of difficulty in planning an inconspicuous public appearance" answered Mory, Scrappy's new nickname for him.

Scrappy pondered this, considering all the delicious manners of celebrating Valentine's Day that were being ruined by Moriarty's silly desire to remain hidden.

"Well," Scrappy finally answered "traditional Valentine's plans may be impossible but a romantic killing spree would be equally satisfying."

Moriarty turned to Scrappy, wondering how he could have possibly found a perfect soul mate. "Why my dear", he said in surprise, "that sounds marvelous. May I suggest the orphanage for the blind?"

"No, that is too simple, no, no, we must, must", Scrappy mused to himself.

"We must what? We must what?" queried Moriarty in a tone sounding like Jesus seeing a motorcycle in Alaska.

"We must….steal the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!" screamed Scrappy in a voice husky like the sun sitting over the plains of Oklahoma as if it was a sky of a watercolor painting stored in the finest art gallery in Paris.

"Ohhhhhhh", cried Moriarty, his face turning a deep crimson but not from the heat. Hehehehehehe

"Mory", questioned Scrappy "Will you be the Nicolas Cage to my Abigail Chase, babe?"

Moriarty looked at him trying to find the correct answer to say. His eyes settled on his beautiful woman's hair and her beautiful hot vibrant pink lipstick (he still thought Scrappy was a woman).

"Hey we have been living together for two months now and I never learned your name." said Mory intelligently.

"Ummmm, oh I quite forgot", said Scrappy nervously "My name is Ypparcs, but you can call me Slim Shady"

"What a beautiful name!" whispered Moriarty, "Will you stand up Slim Shady?" He held out his hand, "Let's go paint the town red"

"Oh by the way I'm a dog" said Scrappy casually.

"Ummmm what?" said Moriarty recoiling violently, his eyes turning into fireworks like the country on the day before the 4th of July just after 10:32pm Eastern standard time in the brisk county of Kosciusko.

"I'm a dog" said Scrappy, "I hope this won't change anything about our relationship. I just needed you to know".

"Well, are you at least a woman?" asked Moriarty hopefully as if his life depended on it.

"Nope." answered Scrappy with one word.

"Well what happens now?" asked Moriarty.

"We continue on like this conversation never "happened" suggested Scrappy wisely.

"I think I need my space." Said Moriarty dolefully, glancing at the fake potted house plant atop the armoire.

"but bae", whimpered Scrappy "It's you and me against the world…right?"

Suddenly a dynamic British duo burst through the door with great gusto.

"Can you puh-lease not right now?" said Scrappy holding up his paw sassily. "We are in the midst of some relationship difficulties."

"This is why love is a weakness", said Sherlock wisely.

"Wait", said Moriarty to Sherlock "We need your face!"

An epic chase ensued.

"Why do you need my face this time?" asked Sherlock as he ran swiftly down the streets of London. A heroic plum-colored scarf covered his cheekbones securely.

"Because", Moriarty and Slim Shady enchourused together "we are going to steal the declaration of independence".

They looked at each other. Even though Scrappy had revealed to be a dog, Moriarty still seemed to love him as much as Obama loved Michelle on the day of their wedding. The passion between the two overflowed like mead would overflow a chalice in King Arthur's time where the Knights of the Round Table would ride bravely off fighting enemies such as Mordred and capitalism.

Sherlock interrupted their passionate eye-looking by screaming "But THAT'S INSENSIBLE, THE DECLARATION IS IN WASHINGTON".

"Have a little faith in meeee, Have a little faith in me", sang Scrappy, not knowing the answer

However, Moriarty took Sherlock's little jab more personally, and broke into song:

"Don't make me snap my fingers in z formation, hip rotation, booty sensation, elbow elbow wrist wrist snap snap kiss kiss elbow elbow wrist wrist snap snap kiss kiss"

Sherlock's face turned positively red and tried to respond with: "Don't make me whip my scarf off in a z-formation deduction sensation across the British nation."

All of a sudden they realized they were still standing in the streets. They only realized this because an old man opened the window and shouted at them to "Turn off this Christian raucous!"

Slim Shady/Scrappy apologized as a distraction while Moriarty shot the man in the face. They turned around to see Watson running behind them at the speed of 1000 snails. He cried "Slow down you jibber jabbers! My leg can't keep up with these conquests anymore." John toppled over as if he was a cow in the countryside where young rabble-rousers could go through a rebellious stage vandalizing and making their mark on their world because you know the world will change and you can only hope you can make your mark on the world someday so if that one thing would stay unchanged, you feel as though you can feel some victory at the end of all of this.

That distracted Sherlock, who rushed over to John's side. He picked him up bridal style because his leg was not the best. He glared at the dog and human knowing he had been beaten for the day and ran away.

Moriarty turned to Scrappy/Slim Shady, cleared his throat, and began talking:

"Just like the good old days, eh".

Scrappy began shaking. He had so many conflicting feelings. Not only 300 words ago had Moriarty been fuming with anger and sadness but now he was acting like nothing had happened, like he hadn't just learned that scrappy was not only a male but also a dog. However, there was one secret yet to be uncovered. Moriarty had yet to learn Scrappy's real name, the life he had run away from. His past, his friends, his foes, his uncle.

"Yeah, I guess so", admitted Scrappy.

"Wanna come back to my place?" asked Mory hopefully.

"Okay."

"Okay."

**Read and review! :)))))))))))))**


	3. Chapter 3

**Big shout out to all of my avid readers XD stay classy**

It had been 6 weeks, one day, 7 hours, 32 minutes, and 53 seconds since the reveal of Scrappy's canine identity. However, he still had not told him that his real name was not Slim Shady. At more than one occasion, Mory had asked him to drop classics such as "Mockingbird" and "Rap God", and on special occasions, "Without Me".

For some odd reason, Moriarty had not yet reasoned or questioned Scrappy's dogness. In fact, he seemed to avoid the subject altogether. It was almost as if Scrappy still wore his 46 year old woman outfit with a nice flower blouse and luxurious curly hair that was obviously died a summertime blonde. The type of blonde you would get from being outside for being outside for 28 days and 2 hours. The type of blonde that reminds you of golden wheat freshly harvested right before the first rain on a late Tuesday afternoon, the plains of Kansas. But in reality, he was in the nude. Quite scandalous for this day and age in the middle of London. However, Moriarty was Irish.

In fact, everything was going predictably normal. And you know good old Mory, he hated being predictable. Lucky ducky for him, he had his old flame Slim Shady there to help him. The young short American Great Dane strutted in such a style that would make James Potter jealous.

"Honey", he cried.

"What do you want, you dog", demanded Mory.

"We're back to the name calling, I see", observed Scrappy.

"No we're not, you really are a dog", pointed out Moriarty.

"Oh yeah, I forgot", giggled Scrappy.

There was an awkward silence.

"So you come here often", asked Scrappy randomly.

"We live in the same house you idiot", replied Mory with a bitter heart.

Simultaneously at the same time the TV randomly came on with a commercial came on of the Declaration of Independence describing how it was important to British history and the founding the good old 13 colonies: England, France, Norway, Germany, Camelot (which was removed and replaced by Italy), Greece lightning, Canada, Sarah Palin's home, Poland, North Antarctica (not to be confused with South Antarctica), 'Murica, Paris, and Atlanta Georgia.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm", mused Moriarty with sound *clicks tongue*

"Yaaasasssss", Scrappy exclaimed vehemently, "back in the game brah".

"We are going to steal the Declaration of Independence", stated Moriarty.

Moriarty clapped his hands. It sounded like the gods bowling, what mothers tell their children everywhere at the dinner table when the children are not the past the age of 2.6 when they can still understand and believe in magic and leprechauns and not believe in the power of love. They were born in the world of hope; only having it torn down after boom boom; who is the sound of the devil. A Boeing 73 flew through the window.

"Quick get on it", said Moriarty.

They quickly hustled onto the luxurious aircraft.

"Oh Maury", Scrappy tortled, "If only all our dates could be like this"

"You're a dog", said Mory, "This is illegal".

Thankfully the flight attendant interrupted them. They were asked for animal crackers or pretzels. Moriarty chose pretzels, Scrappy chose animal crackers.

Scrappy looked Moriarty straight in the eye scarily and seductively while biting an animal crackers' elephants head off named Alfred.

"You're insane", pumpled Moriaty.

"But t'was a matter of perspective", wisely talked Scrappy.

"Where are we going?" asked Scrappy due to the fact that they were on a plane.

"To obtain the Declaration of Independence", answered Mory, "The real one, not the fake one in Arkansas."

"Why would we get the fake one in Arkansas, dingus", questioned Scrappy in his usual humor.

All of a sudden there was a gust of turbulence.

"Hey punk, learn how to fly a plane", yelled Moriarty, "My 98 year old grandmother who I killed 3 years ago could do better!"

Scrappy went up to see what was the happs. "I'll show them what's what", he said confidently.

The pilot was Mycroft Holmes, who did not have his brother's cheekbones, but had slight balding hair which was quite attractive quality in a man of any stature.

"I love you but I've only just met you," claimed Scrappy, "but I'm going to have to kill you because your sheer beauty is coming between my boyfriend and I."

He whipped out his collar and well, you know, killed him dead.

They quickly took out the few parachutes that they forseen that use they thought they would have need earlier and jumped out of the plane. They landed in Indiana. About 2 miles out of Charles Xavier's School of the mutant kind and 3 1/2 miles away from the Parks and Recreation filming place.

They started sneaking around as if they were Snoopy from that one Charlie Brown Halloween special with the Red Baron in the cornfield with invisible gunshots raining around them everywhere they went.

They stopped at the Pendleton Pike area, where they went to the Waffle Place. They each had 2 waffles, a side of crispy bacon, Canadian bacon, hashed browns, poaches eggs, hashed browns that are not too hard like Scrappy's soul. They even left a generous tip of $3.26.

They eventually left and slowly made their way to Ohio, where they stole the Diamondback rollercoaster at Kings Island. They hired 3000 constructioin workers to build a track from there to Washington, D.c. Singing the Candadian Anthem, making their way into the sunset.

Scrappy took in all a deep breath of the poodles with pink dyes fur. This is home

"But slim honey shady my boy We weren't meant to be here my boy", Moriarty started but Scrappy interrupted

"I just want to see Italy", he didn't finish his sentence

A policeman pulled them over.

**R&amp;R **


End file.
